Why is Russia a very fast country?
Because the people are always Russian!

How do you cure a headache?
Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

What did one virus say to another?
Stay away! I think I've got penicillin!

What happens when plumbers die?
They go down the drain!

Your ugly.
And you're drunk.
Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober!

How do you stop a cold getting to your chest?
Tie a knot in your neck!

What is the fastest thing in water?
A motor pike!